Mourning
by Laura1996
Summary: Imagine Igor Kuragin never happened. Violet and Patrick had always loved each other. How would she handle his death?
1. Chapter 1

As always... Nothing belongs to me. Please have fun and let me know if you liked it.

She had a routine on the anniversaries of his death. A routine almost nobody knew of. She would meet nobody on that day. No family. No friends.

Her maid would put out her black dress. The one you wore when you were mourning. She wouldn't speak to anybody. Her maid and butler knew what to do. Only to serve light meals and at a particular time so it would be clear when it would be time to eat without the need to say anything about it.

Violet would sort through old pictures and paintings. She would think about her time with Patrick and she would mourn.

The Dower House was always quiet these days. Sometimes you could hear a sob out of the drawing room but most of the time Violet cried silent tears. After teatime she would drink a sherry like she had done when Patrick was still alive. Often she drank two so that the pain would go away. It never did.

After dinner a driver would come and drive her to the estate so she could visit his grave.

In her younger years she sat on the ground crying and touching his tombstone. She couldn't do that anymore. Instead she stands in front of the grave and cries while clutching the medallion he gave her once. When she couldn't stand anymore because her hip ached to much she would go to the tombstone, press a kiss to her fingers and then her fingers to the tombstone. After that she would turn around and go home.

Her last action of the day would be a drink. She would drink the same scotch Patrick always had. His favorite scotch. Then she would cry herself to sleep.

The next day she was always back to be the prim and proper Dowager Countess. Nobody would notice.

Her staff didn't talk about the day before.

That was her routine since the first year he had died. It never changed.

Except this year.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm sorry that I hadn't said it before... But English is not my first language. I'm not sure if everything is correct. So I'm apologizing in advance.

* * *

Violet was sitting in her drawing room nursing her sherry and crying silently, when she heard a commotion the front door. Then footsteps to the door of the drawing room. She hastily dried her tears.

Robert was irritated. The he phoned down to ask if his mother would attend dinner he was told that she wouldn't come. The butler of his mother hadn't even asked his mother. Carson had gotten the same reaction but he wanted to explain his mother that it was an important dinner. When he told her butler that the man just said that her ladyship was unavailable.

So he made his way to the Dower house to speak with her personally.

When he knocked the butler opened and told him that he was very sorry but her Ladyship wouldn't welcome any guests today.

Now he was really irritated. So he insisted.

The butler sighed and called his mother's Ladies maid. They talked quietly.

The maid turned to him and said: " If you would milord." After that she went to the drawing room door and knocked.

Robert was confused. Why would the maid of his mother announce him. Normally that was a butler's job.

The maid opened the door a bit slipped inside and left him standing outside.

"Your Ladyship I'm very sorry to disturb you but Lord Grantham is standing outside. We tried to tell him that you were unavailable but he insists."

There was a long silence and then: "Alright. Send him in." said his mother with a horse voice. Was she ill? But surely she would be in bed if that was the case. The maid opened the door and he entered.

There was his mother. Sitting with a sherry and the same black dress she had worn when Sybil died. And her eyes... Had she been crying? No that couldn't be. He pulled himself together. He was here for a reason.

"Mother I was wondering if you would come to dinner this evening. The minister is coming. It's an important dinner and I would appreciate it if you would support me."

Violet looked down in her drink and fiddled with the glas.

"I'm sorry Robert but not today."

"Why not?"

Violet looked at her wedding bands. She looked back up at her son.

"Don't you know what today is?"

"No?"

She looked him in the eyes and he was shocked to see tears in hers.

"You're father died today. I don't expect you to mourn him after so many years but I thought you would remember it."

It hit him like a brick wall. His father had died 18 years ago and his mother mourned him. Still. After all these years.

Violet looked at her fingers and a few tears dropped on them.

-TBC-


	3. Chapter 3

I'm so sorry for the delay, but I had to write these awful papers for University... It took al lot of time and was quite stressful. So at the end of a day I just couldn't bring myself to write anything else...

* * *

Suddenly she felt her son sitting down next to her. And then she was drawn in his embrace. Something he hadn't done since he was a boy and something in her broke. She was openly sobbing and clutching her sons suit jacket.

Robert took her glass, put it on the table and rocked his mother. Something never thought he would do. He has never seen his mother like this. Not even directly after his father died. He didn't even know his mother loved his father that much.

"You miss him." he said after a while, when her sobs weren't that desperate anymore.

"Every day." was her response.

"But what is different? I never saw you like this before."

"That is because I never let anyone see me on the anniversary of his death beside my ladies maid. Not even my butler."

 _That explains why she announced me._ Robert thought.

"You don't even leave the house?"

"I go to his grave when you all dine."

"Oh mother. After all this time you still miss him."

"How could I not. He was the love of my life. The only people I love as much are you and Rosamund. Promise me that I will not have to outlive either one of you. I couldn't bear it."

He knew it was impossible to promise such a thing but he did it anyway.

"But mother do you think it is the right solution to just sit here all day long?" Robert asked concerned.

"It is the only way. It is the only way I can pull myself together for the rest of the year. I do this every year."

"You never got over his death." Robert said as if to himself.

"No and I never will." Violet answered, her tears still rolling down he cheeks."But you have to go, Robert, if you still want to greet your guests."

"Yes, you're right. I wish I could cancel this dinner. Then I could go to father's grave with you."

"No, no. Go Robert. It's good for me to be alone with him."

They entangled themselves. Robert gave his mother a kiss on her cheek and left the house.

He didn't feel good leaving her there on her own. She had never been so open with him. His thoughts tumbled uncoordinated through his mind while he was on his way back to the abbey.

-TBC-

* * *

I will try to hurry with the next update but I will definitely be quicker than the last time. Pleas read and review. :)


	4. Chapter 4

When Robert arrived at the estate Mr. Carson took notice of the wet stain on his lordships coat but he said nothing about it.

"What should I tell Mrs. Pattmore regarding the number of people who will be dining here tonight?" he asked.

"My mother won't come."

"Yes milord."

* * *

Robert went quickly to his wife's room. He had to hurry. The guests would arrive soon.

"Robert! You're late."

"I know darling. I was longer at the Dower House than expected."

"Oh. Is she coming? Or is she here already? As I understand it, there was some confusion earlier today."

"Neither. She won't come."

"Why not?" Cora asked. She turned to Robert and saw the wet stain on his coat. "Robert. What happened?" she asked with a concerned voice.

Robert sat on the bed and drove his hands over his face and through his hair.

"She is mourning."

"What? Who died?"

"My father. 18 years ago. Today."

Realisation struct Cora."Are that her tears on your coat?"

"Yes... I didn't even know she was suffering this much." Robert was really angry at himself. How could he have not noticed. "I didn't even know that she loved him that much. She said he was the love of her life. How could I not notice!"

"Darling, please don't blame yourself..." Cora sat next to him und put her arms around him. "But what brought this up? As you said, your father died 18 years ago." asked Cora.

"Nothing. Apparently she does this every year. Sitting alone in the Dower House. Talking to nobody, seeing nobody, crying all day. How could I not notice."

"Oh God... Robert, you probably didn't notice because she did not want you to."

"Possibly... Cora, I have never seen her like this. You would think that he died yesterday. She was so distraught. She made me promise that she won't outlive Rosamund or me.

"Oh Dear."

"What really frightens mess that I think she really will die if either Rosamund or I die before her. Or even the minute she comes to the conclusion, that she isn't needed anymore. I think that is the only reason for her to hang on. That her family needs her.

* * *

-TBC-


	5. Chapter 5

Through the whole dinner it didn't sit right with him that he left his mother alone.

When the ladies left the room after dinner he made a decision. He would look after her. She should still be at his father's grave on the estate. He was a bit conflicted about leaving his guests alone but there were still Mathew an and Tom to take care of them.

"Excuse me gentleman." Robert said. "Today is the anniversary of my father's death and my mother isn't feeling well because of it. I feel I have to look after her. I will be back before you go into the Drawing room."

Without another word he left. On his way out he said to Mr. Carson: " If they leave the dining room before I am back, please send someone to me to the grave of my father."

He hurried down to the graves and saw his mother standing there. Shoulders shaking. He went to her and without hesitation he drew her in his embrace. They stood there. Robert holding his mother. Violet clutching to her son and crying earnestly. He never thought he would comfort his mother.

After some time her tears ceased and she let go of him.

"Robert! Your guests!"

"It's alright, Mama. You're more important."

"Don't be ridiculous." She said and patted his arm.

Then she turned to the grave, pressed a kiss against her fingers and then her fingers against the tombstone. Then she made her way over to her waiting car when Robert spoke up.

"Mother would you like to come to lunch tomorrow?"

"Yes Robert. I would like that very much. Now get back to your guests."

This whole exchange didn't take very long but Robert could feel that he had made it better for her.

-TBC-


End file.
